Islam recognises that one of the basic instincts that appear in men and women is the urge to procreate and feel attraction to members of the opposite sex. Unlike monastic religions, which condemn sex as a ‘sin of the flesh’, relations between men and women are seen by Islam as a beautiful and perfectly acceptable means of fulfilling the procreational instinct that is to be enjoyed to the full. However, it forbids the sexual excesses of the liberal west and thus removes the dangers and problems in society which such so called ‘freedom’ inevitably entails, like single parent families, unwanted pregnancies and abortion. Rather in Islam, relationships between men and women are based upon responsibility and mutual respect. Allah (swt) says,

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in this are signs for those who reflect.” [TMQ 30:21]

Intimate relationships of any kind between unrelated men and women are forbidden outside the framework of marriage. This ranges from everything between ‘socialising’ with members of the opposite sex, to zina (fornication). Adultery is forbidden and punished severely, and any forms of sexual deviancy like child abuse, homosexuality, incest or bestiality are similarly forbidden. Allah (swt) says,

“Do not come near zina (adultery or fornication), for it is a shameful deed and an evil, opening the road to other evils.” [TMQ 17:32]

Marriage

Marriage is highly recommended in Islam, with men and women being encouraged to marry as soon as they are able (i.e. physically mature and capable of supporting a wife). It is in fact seen as an act of worship, and every act of fulfilment between husband and wife is a charity.

Anas (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, “When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his deen, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”

Marriage is regarded as a companionship between men and women, as opposed to a partnership. The objectives of marriage are two :

1. To enjoy the company of a member of the opposite sex.
2. To have children thereby guaranteeing the continuity of the human race.

The contract of marriage is called nikah, and it is a contract between a man and a woman of which all the conditions must be fulfilled for it to be correct and valid. These include:

1. Offer and acceptance
2. No compulsion or duress
3. Two witnesses
4. Waliy amr (guardian of the bride)
5. Payment of mahr (dowry, not necessarily money) from the man to the woman
6. The man and woman are not mahram to each other
7. The woman is not in her ‘iddah (waiting period)
8. The man and woman are eligible for marriage (e.g. woman is unmarried)

The Muslim woman must only marry a Muslim man, and it is forbidden for her to marry a man of any other belief. Regarding the marriage of believing women, Allah (swt) says,

“They are not lawful for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful for them.” [TMQ 60:10]

However, it is permitted for the Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman from the People of the Book (Jew or Christian), provided that they are chaste and unmarried. Allah (swt) says,

“Lawful unto you in marriage are not only the chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the people of the Book revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues.” [TMQ 5:5]

Within the framework of marriage, the Shari‘ah has defined different roles and duties that men and women have. They complement each other perfectly, such that the life between man and woman is filled with harmony and tranquillity.

The Concept of Maharim (non-marriageable relatives)

One of the conditions of marriage is that the partner must not be from the forbidden categories (maharim).

The maharim of the man include : his mother, the wives of his father, his sons wives, the two grandmothers, his daughters, his grand-daughters, his sisters, his paternal and maternal aunts, his great aunts, his nieces, his wife’s mother, his mothers by breast feeding and their mothers and daughters and his sisters by breast feeding.

The maharim of the women become clear given the opposite understanding of the maharim of the man given above.

In all these cases, while it is forbidden for marriage to occur between them, it is permitted for them to mix freely in the private and public areas. Allah (swt) says,

“Forbidden unto you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your father’s sisters, and your mother’s sisters, and your brother’s daughters and your sister’s daughters, and your foster mothers, and your foster sisters, and your mothers-in-law, and your step daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone in - but if you have not gone in unto them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) - and the wives of your own sons who spring from your own loins. And it is forbidden unto you that you should marry two sisters together, except what has already happened of that nature in the past. Lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” [TMQ 4:23]

The sister in law of a man cannot be married by him while he is still married to her sister. However despite this, he cannot mix freely with his sister in law as he can with the other maharim. Similarly, the woman cannot mix freely with her brother-in-law.

 ‘Aqabah ibn Amir narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, “Do not go near women when they are alone.” A man from the Ansar said, “What about the husband’s elder and younger brothers?” The Prophet (saw) said, “Intimacy with them is to be avoided as death.”

Rights and Duties within Marriage

Allah (swt) says,

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard (in the husband’s absence) what Allah would have them guard.” [TMQ 4:34]

Ibn ‘Umar narrated, the Prophet (saw) said, “Each of you is a guardian and is responsible for his ward. The ruler is a guardian (over his people) and the man is a guardian of the members of his household, and the woman is guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring, and so each of you is a guardian and is responsible for his ward.” Bukhari and Muslim

‘A’isha (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, “When a wife spends food of her house without spoiling, there is for her its reward for what she gives away, and there is also reward for her husband for what he earns, and the like (reward) for the storekeeper - none of them diminishing anything from the reward of another.” Bukhari

These evidences, among others, define the basis from which come the understanding of the rights and duties of the husband and wife to each other within the framework of married life. These are outlined below.

The Husband

The main duties of the man are :

1. The guardianship of the wife and children : This means he must ensure their security and protection, and must always act in such a way as to safeguard their interests.
2. The maintenance of his wife and children : He must spend from his own means to ensure that the basic material needs are provided for them, which include bringing her all she needs to fulfil her duties as a wife. His wife is not obliged to give him any of her own money for this purpose, even if she is wealthy and he is poor. However, she may do so if she wishes.
3. Shelter for the wife and children : The husband must provide adequate housing for his family.

The main rights of the husband from his wife are :

1. Obedience and taking permission : The wife must obey her husband in all areas which are permitted from Islam, like to assist him or give him comfort. Also, the wife must take permission from her husband when she wants to leave the house, or when she wants to invite people into the house.
2. Divorce : It is the right of the husband to divorce his wife if he is unhappy with the marriage. If the husband dies, or divorces his wife, she must observe the ‘iddah (waiting period) before she can marry again. In the case of his death, this is four months and ten days, and in divorce, it is when three intervals between her menstruations have finished (as long as she is not pregnant).
3. Looking after his money and children : The wife must ensure that the children are properly cared for and educated with knowledge of Islam and that the husband’s money is spent in a just way.
4. Custody of the Children : It is the right of the husband that if his marriage ends, he takes custody of the children after they have reached seven years of age.

The Wife

The main responsibilities of the wife are :

1. Obedience and taking permission of her husband.
2. Looking after her husbands wealth : This includes his money, property etc.
3. Welfare of her husband : She must ensure that her husband’s needs are taken care of.
4. Looking after the children.

The main rights of the wife from her husband are :

1. Companionship : It is the right of the wife that her husband gives her companionship and maintains an environment of love and affection for her.
2. Spending and shelter : The husband must look after her material needs, provide shelter for her, and give her anything she needs to fulfil her role as a wife. This includes providing things for her which she can use to adorn herself and make herself beautiful.
3. Khul‘a (Right of divorce) : The wife can ask for separation from her husband if she is unhappy with the marriage. There are three reasons for which she can do this : a) He harms her directly, e.g. beating her, b) He harms her indirectly, e.g. not providing for her or her children, c) She hates him.
4. Custody of the children : It is the right of the wife if the marriage ends to have custody of the children as long as they are below the age of seven.

From these descriptions, it can be seen that the details of these rights and duties for both men and women complement each other perfectly. In Islam, there is no issue of struggle for rights, or disputes between the roles that each fulfils. These are all defined by Allah (swt), so obedience to them means that men and women are freed from oppression and dominance by members of the opposite sex.

Indeed, Islam obliges that husband and wife make the utmost efforts to keep a beautiful and co-operative relationship with each other.

Abu Hurayrah (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said, “The most perfect of the believers in faith is he who is best of them in conduct, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” Tirmidhi

‘Abdullah ibn Amr reported that the Prophet (saw) said, “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.” Muslim