Part of the family structure involves the birth of offspring. Once a married couple have children, the strong familial bond and the relationship they have with their child is defined and regulated according to the Shari‘ah. Both the mother and father have responsibilities to their children, and the children too have responsibilities to their parents.

The Role of the Mother

The role of the wife as a mother not only includes rearing and protecting the children, but also to teach the children the true deen.

The Prophet (saw) said, “Every child is born on the fitrah, its parents later on making it a Jew or a Christian or a Pagan.” Anas reported that the Prophet (saw) said, “Be generous to your children, and excel in teaching them the best of conduct.” Ibn Majah

The reward for the mother for the sacrifices she makes and the efforts she spends for the sake of looking after and rearing her children are great.

Anas narrated that Salamah, the nurse of Ibrahim said to the Prophet (saw), “O Messenger of Allah, you brought tidings to men but not to women.” He said, “Did your women friends put you up to asking me this question?” She said, “Yes, they did.” He (saw) said, “Does it not please any of you that if she is pregnant by her husband and he is satisfied with her that she receives the reward of one who fasts and prays for the sake of Allah? And when the labour pains come none in heaven or earth knows what is concealed in her womb to soothe her. And when she delivers, not a mouthful of milk flows from her and not an instance of child’s suck, but that she receives, for every mouthful and every suck, the reward of one good deed. And if she is kept awake by the child at night, she receives the reward of one who frees seventy slaves for the sake of Allah.” Tabarani.

The Role of the Father

The emphasis here for the father with regard to his children is that he should provide for them all the material support that they require until they are able to fend for themselves. Islam encourages kind treatment of the children by the father, and recommends good relations be kept between them.

A man named al-Aqr‘a ibn Habis visited the Prophet (saw) and was surprised to see him kissing his grandsons, Hasan and Husayn. “Do you kiss your children?” he asked, adding that he had ten children and never kissed one of them. The Prophet (saw) replied, “That shows that you have no mercy and tenderness at all. Those who do not show mercy to another will not have Allah’s mercy shown on them.”

Ibn ‘Abbas narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, “There is no Muslim, whose two daughters reach the age (of maturity), and he is good to them as a companion, and they do not cause him to enter Paradise.” Ibn Hibban.

The Role of the Children to their Parents

Islam enjoins that children are respectful to their parents and treat them with kindness and affection. The child must obey his or her parents. This obedience falls into two categories:

1. Issues which are the right of the parent : These include areas which are of the concern to the parents themselves such as to serve the mother or father. For a woman whose father is her waliy (guardian) it is the father’s right that she seeks his permission to go out of the house, and she must obey this and all the rights he has as her waliy. In all these cases, it is fard (obligatory) for the child to obey.
2. Issues which are the right of the child : These include areas which are the concern of the child him or herself, such as what they should eat, who they should marry, etc. In these cases, it is mandub (recommended) for the child to obey the parents.

However as is the case when the husband orders his wife, if the parent orders the child to obey them in something that is a disobedience to Allah (swt), like to do something haram or to neglect a fard, then it is neither obligatory nor recommended for the child to obey. Rather, in these cases, it is haram for the child to obey. Allah (swt) says,

“And we have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him. And in years twain was his weaning : (Hear the command) Show gratitude to Me and your parents : To Me is (your final) goal. But if they strive to make you join worship with Me things of that which you have no knowledge, obey them not.” [TMQ 31:14-15]